I was today years old when I realized that antifragility is an important component of healthy workplace dynamics. I was first introduced to the term antifragile while reading Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation. While it provided a lot of fodder for me to consider as a parent, the phrase antifragile kept coming up for me professionally. The phrase was coined by writer Nassim Taleb in his book, Things That Gain from Disorder to describe things that “need to get knocked over now than then to get strong”. It’s in direct contrast to fragile things like glass which we protect from “shocks and threats” because they’ll break. Different from mere resiliency, antifragility is the ability to absorb a shock to the system and integrate that feedback for learning which actually makes the whole better. Haidt offers our immune system as a prime example of an antifragile system in operation. It requires exposure to shocks and threats like bacteria for example to build up antibodies later in life which protect us.
So how does this play out at work?
Recently I found myself in a team meeting with four brilliant colleagues. I came into the meeting with an agenda and a singular focus to do things the way I thought would be best. Then, as happens when you get into good dialogue, things shifted. Suddenly, I started to feel as if my meeting was being hijacked. Notice the words I’m using here. My meeting. Hijacked. Control freak much? I felt like things were slipping away from me, and I was struggling to name in that moment what I really needed to say. Hey, I’m having a hard time following. I’m worried that we’re getting off track. Things aren’t going according to my rigid outline for this conversation.
On top of that, let’s layer in a few race and gender dynamics. I’m the only male in the space, with three black women and one white woman. They’re more than my colleagues, they’re like sisters to me. We’ve been through some stuff together, you feel me? So another internal monologue coming up for me was, I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Pick and choose your spots. Watch your tone, watch how you respond. Be supportive, not aggressive. This is a soundtrack informed by years of lived experience, as a husband to a wonderful black woman, a father of four daughters, raised by my mother and grandmother (strong black women in their own right).
Then, something interesting happened. One of those black women noticed the energy shift. Then she spoke up and named the dynamic, then made a joke, (which is always the easiest way to disarm this black man). The tension was lifted, and then I shared. It took me a minute, but I got there. We all did, and had a productive conversation about what we each needed in that moment. And, surprise surprise, the experience didn’t break me. In fact, I would argue that because of the conditions of our environment, high trust, shared accountability, joy… we don’t break. We build each other up, even when it initially may feel like a jolt to our systems. As a result, our relationships are better for it.
This doesn’t happen everywhere. Some workplaces are so toxic, that any degree of vulnerability is a risk too high to take. Shame, a constant trigger for any of us, can run rampant in spaces without a clear understanding of the underlying workplace dynamics. I’m just thankful to have found a space where I can grow and bounce back from the inevitable bumps and bruises that come from growth.
